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| Start a jewellery brand and have offices in eight or nine different countries instead. |
There are just certain things one
doesn’t do anymore. Robbing banks is one of them. In the age of technology,
digital transactions, Paytm, WhatsApp UPI and high-level banking frauds, who
has the time and energy to orchestrate a bank robbery? Well, apparently a group
of hardy boys in Rajasthan do.
According to a news report, on
February 6, Haryana resident Ravinder and two of his colleagues — robbery is a
profession, after all — were apprehended by a joint taskforce formed by
Rajasthan and Punjab police. Ravinder was involved in a failed robbery attempt
(along with 13 others). But Ravinder was ambitious. This was no loose change
robbery. It was worth Rs 860 crore.
The group attempted the robbery at
Axis Bank's C-Scheme branch in Jaipur, and the bid was foiled by the alert
police constable, Sitaram, who fired at the robbers. To their credit, the
police have also recovered Rs 1.05 crore in demonetised currency notes from the
robbers, who allegedly planned to exchange the notes.
Now here’s where Ravinder and his
colleagues went wrong. If they really wanted to make some easy money, all they
had to do was apply for a loan, and obviously not at a private bank, a public
sector one.
Now there are many ways to go about
getting rich at the expense of a bank and none of them, with the obvious
exception of armed robbery, would require guns. In fact, all of them would do
only more to make you look better, get your photos in the papers (both national
and international). And all of them will make the government look like a pack
of demonetised notes.
The first process involves some capital
investment, but it will be worth it. All you need is a jewellery brand — even
better if you come from a family of jewellers who have powerful political
contacts — and stores in eight or nine different countries. The next step is
where the trick lies. What you really have to do is get a bank to give you a
loan. But not just any kind of loan. Rather, a loan based on faulty letters of
undertaking. For that you would need to get a little more friendly with the
bank's junior staff. But is that really difficult?
Another nifty trick is to ooze the
aura of a wealthy, Playboy, liquor-baron who has no money but pretends to be a
billionaire. This may make you recall a certain phenomenon called “urban poor”,
but rest assured, it most definitely isn’t. Once you build up this reputation,
while squandering whatever little wealth you have, all you have to do is
approach your friendly neighbourhood State Bank of India.
They will gladly give you Rs 9,000
crore and you can then swiftly fly off into outer space on a red Tesla with
Elon Musk.
And finally, if all else fails, just
open a small pen company — but make sure it becomes a household name in the
country in a couple of decades — and get loans from all the public sector banks
you can think of. At this point, one has to realise, public sector banks are a
little like the good-natured mom: they trust everyone. Once you get the loans,
just stop paying. It will take years for anyone to figure out you are
committing banking fraud.
Think about it, why would anyone try
and rob a bank when you can just get a loan and never repay?
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